Archive for the ‘WTF’ Category

The Escape Artist   9 comments

Selena escaped last week.

Don’t let her fool you. She may look adorable, sweet, and tiny, but Selena is far from innocent. She is an Instigator, a Troublemaker with a capital T.

 

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Who, me?

 

While three of the four sides of the backyard are fenced with 6-foot wood picket fencing, the fourth side is simple wire fencing. Two-thirds of that wire fencing is still good. That’s the section installed by the neighbor behind us. The final third of the wire fencing was sloppily installed by the previous owner, as part of the contract when Mommy bought the place ten years ago. How long it’s been breached is anyone’s guess. Miss D was not an escape artist.

 


 

But Selena noticed the hole immediately. Mommy has spent the last month in denial. Procrastinating and pretending neither Selena nor Rocky would want to wander. No, not these two sweet innocents!

But sure enough, the other night Mommy was getting dolled up for dinner out with friends. She let Selena and Rocky out into the back yard, told herself, “They’ll be fine. They haven’t tried to escape once. I don’t have to watch them every minute,” and went back inside to finish getting dressed.

Five minutes later, Mommy calls the dogs in. Here comes Rocky! … Where’s Selena? … WHERE’S SELENA?! …

Mommy could hear her tags jingle-jangle, but she was nowhere to be found. She took her opportunity and escaped through that back fence! SELENA!!!!! SELENA!!!!

Mommy was in a panic! Have you ever tried to find a tiny black dog, at night, in a muddy wooded area, while wearing dress slacks? Finally, Selena came bouncing back into sight, no shame, no remorse. So, happy ending?

Almost. For a truly happy ending, Mommy had to pay a visit to the local hardware store.

  1. 50 feet by 4 feet wire fencing? Check.
  2. Six 6-foot metal T-posts? Check.
  3. T-post driver? Check.
  4. Fencing pliers? Check.
  5. Gloves? Check.
  6. Safety goggles? Check.
  7. Feeling powerful and able to do anything? Check.

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New wire fence for the win! Oh, and the glow-in-the-dark dog collars should arrive next week.

Selena – 1, Mommy – 2

One week in…   3 comments

I had forgotten what it’s like to have a dog without mobility issues. When I went to pick up these two crazies, I put Selena in the car then went to grab Rocky. Meanwhile, Selena jumped out… I forgot! Miss D hated the car and couldn’t get in or out of the seat on her own. I’d lift her into the seat and she’d scooch her butt into the seat and park there. Nothing could move her.

Rocky sat contentedly in the back seat, with his seatbelt on. Selena wiggled out of her seatbelt early on and spent the entire ride home exploring the car. Under the rear seat, on top of Rocky, straddling the front and back seats, the front passenger seat, whoops! Red Light… under the front passenger seat, back to the rear seat… She wanted to sit in my lap, but I do not drive with a dog in my lap and was having none of that, young lady! Thank you very much. phew! She’s gonna be a handful!

Selena is obsessed with squeaky toys. Rocky enjoys them too, but mostly nudges them with his nose rather than picking them up in his mouth. Except for one. It’s a mushroom. Small. Soft. Squeaky. He really likes that one. Selena likes them all. And she wants them all! Especially whichever one Rocky currently has…

One squeak and I’ve got the attention of both of them, wherever in the house they are! Miss D (and Checkers before her) was never really into toys, except for the remote controlled ones. She didn’t like the squeak. It was a noise and noises are scary! Sometimes she’d play with a couple favorites. She also liked the mushroom. And the hedgehogs. I think it was the wiry “fur” on the hedgehogs she liked. And a crab. She took all the stuffing out of the crab and near the end, she’d simply carry that crab around the house, taking it with her wherever she went.

And BALLS! OMD, Selena LOVES balls! Well, I should say tennis balls, because she has no interest in the smaller rubber ball. Rocky will chase them too, but he mostly does it because Selena is and invariably will let her take it.

Miss D chased a tennis ball once. Then she realized it wasn’t food and lost interest. Forever after, if I threw that ball, she’d just look at it then look at me, as if it say, “Why’d you throw that away? You don’t expect me to get it, do you?”

These two are also more cuddly than Checkers or Deita ever were. Miss D would follow me from room to room, but was content to keep me in her sight. Selena loves to be touched and will often bump your hand with her nose or bury her ears into your chest to get you to pet her. Rocky is less subtle. He simply lies down across your lap or stands on your lap with his front paws on your shoulders and leans in, like a hug. OR, when Selena took the prime spot next to Mommy, Rocky simply climbed onto the back of the sofa and wrapped himself around Mommy’s shoulders, like a really heavy scarf. Every night this week, I have slept in a schnauzer sandwich. One dog on either side bumped up against my body.

One thing these two have in common with Miss D. They are vocal! They love to tell me what’s going on. And once they get going, soon talking turns to singing. I swear, there must be some Beagle in Rocky’s family tree. That boy can HOWL.

In just the last couple of days, they’ve learned “shush!”. I started to use the standard “quiet!” command, but in the heat of the moment I find myself saying “shush!” so “shush!” it became. Oh, well. Whatever works, right? They know “sit”, “stay”, “no”, “down”, “drop it”, “off” and “come”. Though they tend to ignore “come” unless they happen to be coming anyway.

Selena reacts to other dogs the way Miss D did. Not to the same extent, and it’s much easier to distract her and get her to refocus on whatever it was we were doing before the dog distracted her. Rocky reacts vocally, but he doesn’t have the same intensity nor the snarl/lunge thing. I plan to call a trainer later this month and nip this thing in the bud before it reaches Miss D levels.

Today, I took each dog on a separate walk through the neighborhood to see how they do on their own. They seem to know the basics of “heel” but Rocky is a puller and Selena wants to wander. Too bad I’m not running anymore. I think Rocky would enjoy it. He wants to go at a pretty fast clip. Poor Selena. When I walk them both together, Rocky is constantly pulling to go faster, and Selena is running on her little legs trying to keep up. I think they both enjoyed their one-on-one time with Mommy today.

A few photos from our first week together.

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How to eat a Blueberry   3 comments

Mommy’s favorite video of Miss D for all time: how to eat a Blueberry by Miss Deita.

Step 1. Circle the Blueberry, being wary of its propensity to jump out and attack you when you least expect it. Circle that Blueberry several times, but don’t let it know you’re interested. Act nonchalant. You want to catch it unawares.

Step 2. draw the Blueberry close. Watch out! Don’t let it escape!

Step 3. Shake that Blueberry for all you’re worth. Kill that sucker!

Step 4. Enjoy!

Nasty   Leave a comment

So… We had a nasty storm last night. No rain, but so much wind! We lost power for four hours. Mommy was saying soooo many naughty words!

But when we got out this morning, the tree that was yesterday blocking our view of the hawk is now blocking traffic. Windy! Hope the hawk found a safe place to ride out the storm.

Then, disaster! Miss D spotted an enemy coming toward us. That is, another dog! She went bat-shit crazy, as per usual, tripping Mommy up in the leash. Mommy wrenched her back trying not to fall on Miss D but managed to step on her foot anyway. Ouch! Then the owner and the evil dog came running, to see if we needed help since we both had let out some mighty yells. Poor woman didn’t realize that approaching Miss D would only make the situation worse.

Eventually we got everything straightened out, and everyone continued on our ways. But the rest of the walk was not very pleasant. Mommy was walking so slowly and muttering some very naughty words to Miss D along the way. Something about Miss D trying to kill her, or something like that. And now Mommy won’t share her yummy treats no matter how pathetic Miss D looks! It wasn’t my fault! It was that other dog!

Harrumph. I’m going to go pout in my crate. Mean Mommy.

Brilliant!   Leave a comment

You know those stretchers that ambulances have? The legs fold up so the EMTs can easily move the patient from the floor to the stretcher. Then with a little lift the legs expand and the stretcher easily rolls to the vehicle whereupon the legs collapse again as the EMTs load it and off they go!

We need a dog crate like that. Miss D climbs in the crate from the living room. Mommy wheels it over to the car and then the legs fold up and the wheels lock as Mommy loads the crate into the car. And off we go!

Miss D gets a calm experience entering and exiting the car and Mommy doesn’t continually strain her back lifting a struggling Miss D into the car.

Did I mention Miss D does not enjoy car rides? She really doesn’t. Every time she realizes we’re going for a ride and not a walk, she runs as far away as she can. Then when Mommy finally catches up to her, Miss D sits down and turns herself into a 20 lb sack of potatoes. Awkward and heavy and not at all easy to lift. Getting Miss D out of the car is worse. Because now she’s shoved her fat little butt as far down into the seat as she can. Miss D makes no effort at all to help. Quite the opposite.

So yes, who will make me a dog-crate-stretcher-on-wheels? I’ll buy it. I’m getting too old for this crap. OMD my back is killing me.

Posted January 18, 2015 by iloveschnauzers in A day in the life, Schnauzers, WTF

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Wordless Wednesday   9 comments

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R.I.P. Little truck-mouse

El Loco   5 comments

Miss D and Mommy passed a young family while on our nightly neighborhood patrol. The toddler pointed at Miss D, going bonkers and straining at the leash as usual, and said,”El perro loco!”

Yes, yes she is.

Then she turned and started her bat-$h!t crazy act at the fire hydrant. WTF.

sigh Such is life.

Posted July 31, 2014 by iloveschnauzers in WTF

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